Sleepless 1 Dec 05

Winter came so early and I have to stay at home to keep warm. Actually there is nothing to do outside even if it is sunny. Just want to stay inside, hidding...

I thought that I would be stronger and keep smiling at seeing her and her hubby. But I am wrong.. Maybe.. if she feels happy, at least I hope she can be happy inside, I should just walk away. Anyway, I am bored of myself. Turning the TV on while turning my thoughts down.

I am not totally open to tell how I care of her. Or feel safe to tell her about that. Or do not want to keep her struggling. Anyway, if I do not get to know her at the beginning, everything might be the same. But if that, i would lose the most important thing in my life.

These days, I keep dreaming of the moments with her. Do not know when we can be together again. I just keep checking whether her car is in the car port or not. Based on that, I could guess where she is and what she is doing. Sometimes, I get jealous while hating myself for that.

She made a meat cheese cake. I know she made that for me. I think that GOD creates us, but why not putting us together. Maybe this is just only my thought. Not fair.