Sleepless 25 Dec 05

Went to a friend's house for Christmas last nite. Have hotpot, play cards etc. Was just wondering what you were doing for ur nite? A fun nite? If I can have a wish, would like to hope that you were having a good nite.

My friend mentioned Gui Zhou for some reason. Forgot why he mentioned. From that moment, I was thinking the place I want to go most and also do not want to go most might be Gui Zhou.

Two weeks are like two years...

Happy Holidays....

sleepless 22 Dec 05

Tomorrow is Christmas night. Not sure what you are doing. Will you cook the Turkey? Or are u going somewhere? I saw the moon last two nights, wondering whether you also saw the same one. Ok.. anyway, want to say Happy Christmas!

Sleepless 20 Dec 05

I thinks of you a lot if not all the time. Sometimes, I am happy to hear you even I pretended to speak to you like a stranger. I just want to hear your voice. Is that crazy?

Sleepless 17 Dec 05

最终,还是没见到你,过了一天...

Sleepless 15 Dec 05

My dear little sun,

I have a lot to say... You are my sun in my life.... Missing you....

Language is so powerful because it make two strangers so close.
But Language is so pale because I can not find a word to discribe my thought.

Sometimes it is easily mistaken. I know I mistook your questions sometimes and later understood what you were asking. At least hopefully...

I thought you are a part of me. Or I want? Or I hope? Or I believe? Or I dream? ... For whatever damn reason, I so care you.

I deleted some words because I do not know whether it is right for me to say so. Or I am allowed to say so.... Just want to let you know, it is a really sleepless night for me.

Sleepless 14 Dec 15

冬夜

楚江回家的时候,看到雪地上一串细小的脚印. 心里想不知是否是阳故意留下的. 也许吧,他轻轻叹了口气,叹出的气仿佛被凝结在寒冷的空气中, 他想如果时间能够冻结的话就好了.

楚江刚来的美国的时候,好象还激动了一阵子,不知道为什么激动着. 也许人总需要些东西让自己感动着, 这样才会变得有价值吧. 他是一个爱做梦的人, 楚江曾今设想着过了若干年后,自己怎么回国,也许一下飞机,就亲着祖国的土地,说我终于回来了,但其实等他真的回来的时候,他发现能亲的就是钢筋水泥了,而且当时急着想上厕所,压跟就没想到要来个如何令人感动甚至很多年的镜头. 当时有个老外在厕所大叫,大概是说为啥没有厕纸,外面围了一圈人,也不知道里面发生什么事了,楚江笑的差的连鼻涕都掉出来.

(写不下去了...)

Sleepless 13 Dec 05 / 2

城子别

天涯流落思无穷。既相逢，却匆匆。携手佳人，和泪折残红。为问东风余如许？春纵在，与谁同？

隋堤三月水溶溶。背归鸿，去吴中。回首彭城，清泗与淮通。欲寄相思千点泪，流不到，楚江东。

Sleepless 13 Dec 05

My silly small sun... I do not know what to say either because nothing can express my messy mind very well. I just want the moment being with you to be happy for us. Enjoy the moment and live for yourself.

Do not think of gifts too much. I just accidentally found I still had some money on my gift card and would like to spend it. By the way, did u get ur business week? Shoot, I did not get this week.

Hey, I am thinking of decorating my apartment somehow. You know what, you made me find back a real me, which I had thought I lost forever. To that degree, I really apreciate... I found that I could still appreciate the beautiful things besides the money. :--)

I called ur old cell tonite but it could not be reached. I will bring the CD with me tomorrow.

Fsleepless 11 Dec 05

爱情很大,大的藏的下一百种委屈;爱情很小,小的让三个人窒息.

在GYM听到的歌, 当时想既然我是第14个,当然更挤了,只好多多运动减肥了. :-)

Forget to mention that I am watching American Beauty, which is great...

Sleepless 10 Dec 05

夜,11点18分,不知为什么,跑到窗口,结果正好见到你的车进来,其实一直期望着能看到你,但真的看到了,却又很惆怅. 看到你急步往前跑,可能是太冷了,但你又突然停下来等他. 其实觉的没有我,你可能也就更快乐,起码和他在一起更没有负担了,不用有时还会想到我.

亲爱的,痛苦源于追求超过自己能得到的,我在追求超过自己能得到的吗? 是的.

我只想安静的抱着你. 我想我可以让自己简单起来. 其实, 我如果只想保持这样的关系, 我也就不会这样难受了...

不知道说了些什么,也不知道该说些什么,只是隐约记得,你说过我对你来说是特别的,我很开心....

Sleepless 9 Dec 05

不知道你有没有注意到,时间是不对的,现在是11:45PM,但可能它显示的时间却是不同的时间.

刚刚经过你家门口,看到了灯,也看到房里的电视在播放不知名的录像.知道你应该在沙发上,不知道有没有看到我停留了一会. 想看到窗内的你,但不敢停流太久.知道你很累,期望你能好好休息一下.

齐秦有首歌,忘了歌名,其中唱到,一个人怕孤独,两个人怕辜负...让往事都随风,随风.... 一首很寂寞的歌. 没有其他的意思,只是突然想到这首歌,一首我很喜欢的歌,不想让你随风而去, 也不怕你会辜负, 只是希望我或许给你一些生命中的快乐,不敢讲有什么奇迹.因为我没有权利去得到什么奇迹.

如果...可惜没有太多的如果,对啊,如果巴梨可以放在一个瓶子里的话... 所以我不知道以后会怎样,但我想和你在一起的时候要快乐一点. 如果你觉的不快乐了,让我知道好不好?

我喜欢这样和你说话,因为好象和自己说话一样,我在初中的时候就学会和自己说话,还幻想自己其实两个人.当外面的我受到伤害的时候,我就会里面的我说话得到安慰,有时很害怕是不是自己有人格分裂,真的困扰了我很长一段高中生活. 所以,平时你看不到里面的我,因为你看到了,里面的我就没有办法在和再里面的我说话.

我现在脑子里只有你,告诉我一个方法可以减轻我的思念..现在晚上12:17AM 不知道你在做什么,有没有偶而的一点点想到我...我想说我很想你....

Sleepless 8 Dec 05

I deleted the earlier artical. These days the website is getting updated. So it might be the reason why we can not get on easily. However, it should be fine now.

On my way back, really want to hear your sound. If we are together, I will definetely keep you talking... Or I can put you in a box. It can be the most beautiful music box then.

Will be alone this weekend and also next weekend. Hey, do you want to SKI? Maybe, tomorrow we can organize one for Saturday.

You are not seeming happy these days. Do not want to see you in tear again. I will try to make you happy. Life is short...Smiling bigger.

sleepless 4 Dec 05

Just wrote in Chinese for a while but deleted finally. Maybe you are right, it is not so easy to write in Chinese. Or I am just lazy and did not get used to write in a more complicated and beautiful language. Anyway...

You should be at home now and may feel very tired. Sorry. I can not be with you to comfort you when you get tired. Hopefully, when you see this you know I am missing you. On my way back home, I was thinking it is good to have blog. At least better than Email. If I have some accidents, this will be always with you.

What are you doing? Go back to watch Harry Potter now.....

Sleepless 1 Dec 05

Winter came so early and I have to stay at home to keep warm. Actually there is nothing to do outside even if it is sunny. Just want to stay inside, hidding...

I thought that I would be stronger and keep smiling at seeing her and her hubby. But I am wrong.. Maybe.. if she feels happy, at least I hope she can be happy inside, I should just walk away. Anyway, I am bored of myself. Turning the TV on while turning my thoughts down.

I am not totally open to tell how I care of her. Or feel safe to tell her about that. Or do not want to keep her struggling. Anyway, if I do not get to know her at the beginning, everything might be the same. But if that, i would lose the most important thing in my life.

These days, I keep dreaming of the moments with her. Do not know when we can be together again. I just keep checking whether her car is in the car port or not. Based on that, I could guess where she is and what she is doing. Sometimes, I get jealous while hating myself for that.

She made a meat cheese cake. I know she made that for me. I think that GOD creates us, but why not putting us together. Maybe this is just only my thought. Not fair.